Who Ya Gonna Call?
by Rev. Tanner Fox
What a terribly cheesy title, but I am sure that many of you said “Ghostbusters,” at least in your mind. Today I want to reflect on the importance of continuing to connect in the ways that we can and to challenge you to consider who might need a call from you this week.
So many of our normal means of connection have been taken from us. Maybe some of you who always work from home have managed to figure this out, but I was unprepared to lose the hundreds of ways that I am seen, heard, and cared for each day. I miss the office banter between meetings, the random people I might see heading into the office, or the friends that loved me and cared for me in simple ways throughout my normal 9-5.
I am the epitome of “out of sight, out of mind.” I have always been that sort of friend for as long as I can remember. Leaving high school, leaving college, leaving one city for another, I have the hardest time keeping up with the friends I don’t physically see. Because of that, many of these friendships from other places I have lived have gone away as my attention is drawn to those in my midst.
Why does my own failure of interpersonal communication have anything to do with you? Well, everyone except my wife, neighbors, and a couple family members have been “out of sight” for weeks now. I don’t have the chance to walk the office halls and pop in to say hello. We can’t go grab a quick lunch, run an idea by each other as we pass in the hall, grab a drink after work or catch up with someone after service on Sunday morning. And I know some of these people have probably felt like they are “out of mind.”
As much as I feel a twinge of sadness when I spend another full day alone at my dining table, typing, zooming, working, etc… I have the gift of in-laws just down the street, my wife who works from home every other day, new neighbors that I can sit with in our backyards.
There are others, however, who feel totally stuck. They don’t have people to see, things to do outside of work, people to small-talk with or a way to make things feel normal. They feel alone, “out of sight - out of mind.”
A lot of my communication to others right now is to get stuff done, “meaningful conversation” that works toward a desired end. I feel the weight of making a call worth someone's time and I am sure I have made others feel that way during this work from home. What if we need less “meaningful conversation” and more “small talk?” When is the last time you picked up the phone to call someone to talk about nothing in particular? It’s been a while for me. I'm always either too worried about my own efficiency (my selfishness), or worried that I would be wasting the time of the person I am calling (my insecurity).
Eugene Peterson wrote a whole chapter on small talk in which he describes it as, “the way we talk when we aren’t talking about anything in particular, when we don’t have to think logically, or decide sensibly, or understand accurately. The reassuring conversational noises that make no demands, inflict no stress. The sounds that take the pressure off.”
We are indeed in the middle of a crisis and we should be checking in on people in relation to their needs. But their needs go beyond toilet paper, food, water, and shelter. They may need some semblance of normalcy. This week, a way to live missionally is to engage in small talk.
Here’s the plan.
Take a minute and ask the Spirit to bring someone to mind that might be “out of sight, out of mind.” Maybe it is more than one.
Ask the Spirit for strength to endure awkward silences, peace to quiet insecurity, and for love to flow from you to the other person.
Pick up the phone and give them a call.
If you are someone who feels “out of sight, out of mind” I imagine this season has been really hard. If you can muster the courage, please connect. You are not alone in this season.