Lament
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.
Sometimes when we get to Good Friday and the Saturday before Easter, we have to leave our world of order and bliss to enter into the sadness of Christ’s death. COVID-19 has changed much of that as many of us have been dealing with sadness and loss for weeks now. With that said I have turned to people like Andy Crouch, David Brooks, and Tim Keller to learn how to respond to our current moment. They have taught me something helpful in relation to grief, hope, and the beauty of paradox.
First, grieve [To feel great distress over loss]. We have all lost something. Rarely does every person in the world experience loss due to a single cause. Every person in the world is experiencing loss due to this virus. Some have lost someone. The virus has taken many lives and will take many more before this is all said and done. At the least, we have lost a normal way of living. Our habits and patterns have been thrown off, we have lost hand shakes, hugs, weddings, funerals, travel, concerts, in-person shopping, sports, bars, coffee shops, hangouts with friends, and much more. The proper response to these losses, big and small, is grief.
Second, hope [Confident expectation in God fulfilling the promises that he has made]. We have reason to be confident in the Lord’s promises. Why? He has always been faithful. Regardless of the difficulty or hardship, the people of God have been given his promises and his presence, which is seen most clearly in the life and death of Jesus of Nazareth. Humanity's greatest needs and desires are met in the person of Christ. Do you need your debt forgiven? Done. Do you desire to be known completely and loved anyway? Done. The proper response to the gift of Christ, in the face of any circumstance, is hope.
“WE KNOW THAT!” Yes, I know I am not telling you anything new. We know grief is right and we know hope is right. But often, in seasons like this, we feel as though we must choose. Grief or Hope.
Third, paradox [Grief OR Hope]. If we put these two ideas on opposite ends of a linear spectrum we are forced to make a choice. Which will we choose?
We tell people, and are told, we need to figure out where we are on this scale. Too sad? Move back to the middle? Too hopeful? Move back to the middle. Unfortunately, the middle seems like low levels of both -- something like luke-warm. And luke-warm isn’t good for coffee or a popsicle. It's especially not for our emotional response to grief. So what can we do?
I’ve got good news. There is a way to grieve WITH hope, as Paul tells the church at Thessalonica. Andy Crouch helps us see how we can have both saying,“What we need is not a linear “OR” but a two-dimensional “AND” that presses us to see the surprising connections between two things we thought we had to choose between and perhaps... having the fullness of one requires that we have the fullness of the other.”
There are four quadrants in this diagram.
First, apathy. Apathy is the result of low levels of both grief and hope. When we are apathetic we run from hope to avoid disappointment. We run from our grief to avoid the sting of loss. We end up numb.
Second, despair. Despair is the result of high grief and low hope. When we are despairing the sting of loss is ever present and consuming to the point that we feel there's no way out and nothing else in the world that matters. We can’t imagine the thought of existing apart from that which we lost. We only see what’s left behind.
Third, stoicism [the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint]. Stoicism is the result of high hope and low grief. When we are stoic in the face of loss, we endlessly proclaim the promises of a brighter tomorrow, saying that nothing can get us down. But our hope is disconnected from the pain of this world. There is no empathy, no weeping with those who weep. We only see what’s ahead.
Finally, Lament. Lament is the result of high levels of both grief and hope! This is the form of response to loss that properly honors both the sting of grief and the joy of hope. Those who lament cry real tears when they experience loss even though they know that death does not have the final say. Those who lament can laugh with real joy when sweet stories are told of those they have lost because they know they shall see and enjoy them again. Those who lament are silent and present with those who mourn, refusing to offer cliche statements concerning God’s sovereignty, not because they aren’t true, but because they aren’t needed right now. Those who lament cry out, honestly, to God saying, “How long O Lord, will you forget me forever?” And yet, have peace enough to say, “but I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation” (Psalm 13).
The beauty of paradox is, as Andy Crouch says,“perhaps...having the fullness of one requires the fullness of the other.”
Our grief is more full in relation to our hope. As we have hoped for deep and abiding love, in this life, we have tasted it, only to have it whisked away by the pangs of death. We grieve because the love and delight that we had hoped for and experienced were, in fact, real. It is right to grieve over something good that has been lost. And yet the more beautiful, lovely, or real the thing lost the heavier the grief.
Our hope is more full in relation to our grief. Though we could not escape the immediate sting of death and the grief that we feel because of our loss, we look forward with great anticipation, to the ultimate death of death through the power of Christ. We look forward to a final union with Christ and a reunion with the saints who have gone before us. All of those we have loved and lost, we will love yet again, completely, and for all eternity. That is our hope in this season. He conquered. He is Risen!
In these relentless days of COVID-19 and in these final days of holy week let me invite you to hold grief and hope in high esteem through lament.
How do we lament? Like Jesus. Matthew 27 tells us that Jesus quoted Psalm 22 from the cross. He did not whisper, instead he “cried out in a loud voice, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’”
Psalms 22:1-31
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest. Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the one Israel praises. In you our ancestors put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. To you they cried out and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame. But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by everyone, despised by the people. All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads. “He trusts in the Lord,” they say, “let the Lord rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him.” Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast. From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God. Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help. Many bulls surround me; strong bulls of Bashan encircle me. Roaring lions that tear their prey open their mouths wide against me. I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted within me. My mouth is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death. Dogs surround me, a pack of villains encircles me; they pierce my hands and my feet. All my bones are on display; people stare and gloat over me. They divide my clothes among them and cast lots for my garment. But you, Lord, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me. Deliver me from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs. Rescue me from the mouth of the lions; save me from the horns of the wild oxen. I will declare your name to my people; in the assembly I will praise you. You who fear the Lord, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel! For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help. From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly; before those who fear you I will fulfill my vows. The poor will eat and be satisfied; those who seek the Lord will praise him— may your hearts live forever! All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the Lord and he rules over the nations. All the rich of the earth will feast and worship; all who go down to the dust will kneel before him— those who cannot keep themselves alive. Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord. They will proclaim his righteousness, declaring to a people yet unborn: He has done it!”
Other Resources for Lament:
Scripture
Some Psalms of Lament - 12, 13, 22, 31, 86
Job
Songs
Is He Worthy - Andrew Peterson
Sovereign Over Us - Aaron Keyes
Great is Thy Faithfulness - Shane and Shane Version
Further Reflections on Lament
On Death - Timothy Keller
A Grief Observed - C.S. Lewis
Andy Crouch, David Brooks, Lydia - Veritas Forum
Every Moment Holy: Liturgies of Sorrow & Lament (pg 201-246) by Douglas McKelvey
For Those Who Weep Without Knowing Why (pg 241-246)
For Nights & Days of Doubt (pg 163-168)
Disney’s - Inside Out